Today’s assignment is to write a letter to the person who gave me my best memories. I decided that’s silly for two reasons, a) I can’t choose a “favorite” memory, and I think anyone who can needs more happiness in their lives and b) people don’t give you memories, you create them together.
So I rummaged through an old notebook I had from my creative writing class, we used to start each period by journaling. We could decide between two prompts supplied to us, or we could just write about what was on our mind that day. I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I wrote about what was on my mind more often than I chose a prompt, ha-ha. Anyways, as I was reading the prompts I realized two things, TBird (nickname my teacher has had for too many years to count) was a freakin’ genius, and that I’m definitely going to use these prompts more often :)
Today’s prompt is from March 17th 2008: Write about the qualities you most value in a friend.
v Loyalty
I need to know you’re on my side. I’m not saying I do no wrong, I expect you to call me on my shit. But I need you to stick by me anyways.
v Honesty
I need to know the truth, always. I’m not saying I need to know every little secret. I don’t need your life story. But I need you to not lie to me. I need you to tell the truth, or don’t tell me anything.
v Trust
If you can’t trust me, I can’t trust you. And why should I? If you’re convinced I’m going to stab you in the back I have to assume that you’re going to try and beat me to it.
v Space
I need oxygen. I need to it to be ok if we go a few days (or even weeks) without talking. Sometimes you’re going to get on my nerves, and I’m sure I’ll get on yours, and I’m just going to not want to talk for a few days. Or I’m going to be busy. Or just not in a social mood. I need that to be ok. I need you to take a hint when I don’t text back, or when I say I’d rather just stay in for the night.
v Dependability
I need to know that when I need you, you’re going to be there. I don’t need you in my shadow 24/7, and I don’t need you to text back within 60 seconds every time I text you. But I need to know that when I tell you something bad happened, when I tell you I’m crying/freaking out, you’re going to care.
v Sense of humor
I need you to be able to make me laugh when things are hard. I need you to be willing to just go with it when I start joking around. I need you to not take me seriously all the time and realize that I’m just kidding. I don’t mean it when I make fun of you. Laugh about it. The only reason I’ll ever laugh at you is because you haven’t started laughing yet.
v Understanding
I need you to get me. I need you to know that when I text you saying I’m crying or upset that’s your cue to ask me what happened. I need you to be able to tell when I’m angry from when I’m sad. I need you to get why everything on this list is so important to me.
v Optimism
I need you to tell me everything’s going to be ok, and I need you to believe it. If you believe it, I will too. And when shit hits the fan I need to believe it’ll be ok in the end even if it’s not ok in that moment.
Things I Don’t Need
v Constant I love you’s
I know you do. Hello, how could you not? I am pretty amazing. Just kidding I’m not that self absorbed, but seriously. We’re best friends we love each other. I don’t need constant reminders. I won’t forget, promise.
v I miss you’s…pretty much never needed
My best female friend lives in New York, best male friend lives in Florida, and boyfriend in southern Mass. If we see each other more than once a month/live within 150 miles of each other, I don’t miss you. I’m sorry but it’s the truth. And it makes me feel awkward when you say it, because the only options I have are to lie or look like an asshole.
v Chain texts telling me how much I mean to you
Stop. See “constant I love you’s.” Not to mention I get excited thinking it’s someone actually talking to me and then it turns out to be another “if I don’t get this back I understand…” with some cheesy picture and song.
v Any texts before 9:30am
If you care about our friendship at all, you won’t do this. If I am up before 9:30 am there are only two possible reasons. Either I’m sick or I have work. Either way I don’t want to talk to you. If I’m not working or sick and it’s 9:30, I’m sleeping. Don’t be a douche and wake me up when it’s light out and I won’t be able to fall back asleep.
v Baby talk
I have a three year old cousin. If I want to hear someone mispronounce common words I’ll talk to him. It’s cute when he does it because he’s a toddler. If you’re over the age of 6 and don’t have a speech impediment it’s not cute or funny. It’s annoying as hell. And it’s called baby talk for a reason, it isn’t typed out. By the time you’re old enough to type you’re old enough to speak correctly. Stop typing in baby talk. It makes you look like an idiot.
v A body guard
I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. Don’t you dare fight my battles for me or the next person you fight will be me.
v Moment to moment updates on the lives of people I hate
Just stop. I’m trying to abstain from thinking or talking about these people because the more I do the more power they have in my life. I don’t care about their lives. Stop talking about it.
v You to hold grudges for me
If they never did anything to you, chill. I’m not saying I want you to go be best friends with the people I hate, but don’t hate them more than I do. They fucked me over, not you. I should be the one hating more. And don’t obsess about them. See “moment to moment updates on the lives of people I hate.”
I don’t think I’m asking for much. Just common good friendship without annoying the crap out of me all the time.
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