In December I ended my fall semester of my junior year of college. Before the semester was even half over I had decided I wouldn’t go back. This decision didn’t come easily to me. Not going to school is scary. I’ve been in school since I was in preschool. Quitting something I’ve been doing for around sixteen years is scary for me. Telling my boyfriend was…well let’s just say it was worrisome. Douglas isn’t judgmental at all, nor does he ever try and control me. But he isn’t shy about his opinion, and I was scared about exactly what that opinion might be. Telling my parents, god that was terrifying. But I did that. I did all the scary nerve-wracking stuff I had to do because I knew it was right for me.
Not going back, although scary, is actually kind of liberating. I can get a real job without having to worry about working it around what always seems to be a completely random course schedule. I don’t have to spend $1,000 a year on text books I will never read. I don’t have to do that awkward emailing my teacher to ask what I missed in class or become facebook friends with people whose names I’ll forget within a year just so I know what the homework is. So I have gotten over the fear, and embraced the freedom.
When I told Douglas he was wonderful about it, like he is with just about everything. My friends weren’t too shocked either. And thank god for my parents, who despite their flaws (and trust me, they’ve got plenty) always seem to be very understanding of my choices even if they don’t agree. I think they’ve realized over the years that even though I seem spontaneous, I am an incredibly cautious person. They knew I didn’t make this decision lightly.
Unfortunately, some people think I did. So now I have to hear from everyone, from my extended family to my boss, that I’m doing the wrong thing. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe I’m doing the right thing, but hearing everyone’s god damned opinion is starting to get old. And by starting to, I mean it’s been old since about the third time someone decided to open their mouth.
These are some of the main reasons I’m not going to school anymore
1) I have no freakin’ idea what I want to do with my life
Well, I know many things I want to do, but none of them jobs. I know I want to get married and have kids and would LOVE to be a stay at home mom. I know I love writing, reading, and being with people. I also love scrapbooking and math. But in terms of careers, I have nooooo idea. From the time I was twelve to the time I was nineteen I wanted to be a teacher, but unfortunately the art of teaching has been lost to bureaucracy. Then I wanted to be an addiction counselor for teens, I quickly realized that that choice was based too much on the regret that I was unable to help several people I care about as they battled/suffered with their addiction. Now, I have no idea. But I’m only twenty, so I’m ok with that.
2) I’m already going to be paying off debt for a long, long time
My family is not at all “poor.” We’re middle class and proud of it. My dad has worked management in grocery stores since he was in his twenties, and is one of the highest paid employees at his current job simply because he’s been there forever. My mom has worked for the state for over thirty-five years. We live in a modest house my parents built; most of our furniture is hand-me-downs, yard sale finds, or craigslist. I don’t think either of them has ever owned a brand new car. We don’t spend a lot because we don’t need a lot, but I made a huge mistake my freshman year of college. I went to a private college with a price tag of around $43k a year (at the time, I’m sure it’s gone up.) I can honestly say I learned nothing at that school except maybe in one of my English classes. I did, however, earn myself quite a loan. I was lucky and got a small scholarship for being a local (I graduated five exits north of the college,) plus a scholarship from my town that paid for my books for the year, and my parents took out a loan in their names. But I’m sure all that still leaves me looking at about $25 or 30k for that one year. Why put myself further into debt when (as I mentioned above) I still have no idea what I want to do with myself? Which brings us to…
3) Hi, I’m financial aid and if you need more than four years of college I don’t want to be your friend!
I’m two and a half years in. Once I decide what I want to do with my life I’ll need another two to four years. Meaning I’m going to have no financial aid for somewhere between one and five semesters. Have you noticed the cost of education goes up every year anyway?
4) What’s the point when research says we don't learn anything?
I fully agree with that study (note that the study is evaluating decision-making skills, critical thinking, and ability to articulate an opinion in writing.) Stupid people will remain stupid no matter how much information you shove down their throats. Smart people will remain smart (providing they don’t kill brain cells) whether they’re in an Ivy League or working at a 7-11. You can’t polish a turd. I feel I might have learned some interesting writing styles in my freshman writing class, I got to explore a lot of cool stuff in psychology, and I learned about spreadsheets (which are super cool and useful) in a computer class I took. But that’s it. I’m not saying college is bad. I feel that it provides you with information and training for a career, but for those of us without a career in mind there really is nothing to gain from college except the “experience,” and there’s no way in hell I’m going to pay that much for an experience.
5) College was very stressful for me.
I don’t mean normal stressful. I mean I found out that I suffer from stress induced insomnia, stress induced migraines, and acid reflux, which is magnified by stress. I stopped sleeping, started saying “I have the worst headache of my life” at least three times a day, and learned that acid reflux doesn’t always mean heartburn. For me, acid reflux means thirty minutes to an hour of dry heaving every morning and night. Did you know that lack of sleep makes migraines worse, migraines can cause vomiting/dry heaving, and dry heaving makes you unable to sleep and enhances your migraine by about an anvil to the head? No? Well, trust me, it’s true.
6) I just wasn’t happy
Don’t get me wrong, I know that they only way you can ever be happy is to know you can’t be happy all the time. But I also know that you can’t be happy if you’re miserable all the time either. I loathed my classes, enjoyed about one teacher per semester, and found more things to complain about my schools than to compliment them on.
Bottom line, I wasn’t happy. Now I am. This is my life, and people should really be able to respect that.
-Dr. Seuss
No comments:
Post a Comment