Dear You,
The only reason I haven’t deleted you off of facebook (I mean come on, we met once, at a football game, and hardly spoke at all) is because I got addicted to reading the semi stalkerish statuses about the “twu wuv” you had found with your 16 year old boyfriend after less than 7 months of dating, the obsession was one of those things that are fascinating because of how disturbing they are. Then it turned into a car wreck I couldn’t look away from when your statuses changed to feeling neglected and such, “finally, he’s gotten sick of how clingy and needy she is!” I thought to myself, and I was right. Now I can’t stop reading your passive/aggressive statuses about how much you miss him (even though he has discovered his “twu wuv” with his latest girlfriend of under a month).
Girls like you are the reason girls like me look sane, because even at 16 I would never get that mushy over a guy on a public forum, nor would I promise him forever after just a few months (you do realize you’re 16 right?) Girls like you are also the reason I weep for today’s educational system. There is no reason in the world that someone in high school should have the spelling skills of a first grader, and I feel unrelenting rage because of it. It’s not all on you though, the school system does deserve a good share of blame, after all, they’re the ones who aren’t holding you back a grade, forcing you into summer school, or flunking you…all of which you would deserve.
So now I’ll do something that apparently the schools are too busy to do. I will show your misspellings from your facebook and the proper English spelling (there are a lot I didn’t list, but I’ll explain that later):
What you said | What you meant | Why You’re Wrong |
Mi | My | Vowels are NOT interchangeable |
Mommie | Mommy | Vowels are NOT interchangeable |
Sence | Since | Vowels are NOT interchangeable |
Tha | The | Vowels are NOT interchangeable |
Your | You’re | You were saying “you are” which is “you’re” notice how the apostrophe replaces the missing A and space. “Your” is a possessive. |
U | You | This is just plain effing laziness |
Shud | Should | This is just plain effing laziness |
Boii | Boy | Vowels are NOT interchangeable |
Errors I excluded from the table because it would have been three times as long:
· Adding extra letters to the ends of words for emphasis (ex: nooooo, youuu, yeahh, etc)
· Adding extra letters for no reason at all (ex: lovee, sisterrrrr, okayyy, happppy, todayyy, yyou, etc)
· Your lack of ever using an apostrophe. If you’re combining two words you add an apostrophe.
Eamples: You + Are = You’re; They + Are = They’re; It + Is = It’s
· Additionally: if you are shortening a word by knocking off the G at the end of an ING, you put an apostrophe there to show you took it away. The same rule applies when you take the TH off of Them.
Examples: Tearing – G = Tearin’; Them – Th = ‘em
· Ellipsis (the …’s) is a mark or series of marks that usually indicate an intentional omission of a word in the original text. An ellipsis can also be used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought, or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence. What does this mean for you? It means that “…!!!” makes you look like a freaking nimrod.
Now I hope you’ve learned something today.
-Me
ps: get over him. you're sixteen. you guys barely dated 6 months and he has a new girlfriend who he's in love with. he's not coming back to you. stop going to his house to "hang out with his mom and sister." stop tagging him in your pictures "because his dog is in them." you're turning into psycho stalker ex girlfriend. no one is ever going to want to date you when they see how obsessive you are.
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