30 Letters in 30 Days: Day Seventeen- Someone from my childhood

Deeny,

          I still can’t believe that you are that geeky girl I met in first grade, with the Sally Jesse glasses that took up about 70% of your face. You were young, innocent, sweet, and just plain good. You were a good person. I will never forget your dad dying when we were only seven years old. He was a great guy and I know how much you loved him. I imagine your childhood would have been a lot better if he had made it, he was always the one to balance out your mom. Maybe we’d still be friends if he had lived. I guess we’ll never know though.

          Despite how close we were when we were kids up through high school, I will never forgive you for what you did to Tyler. You went from being an amazing girl to a female version of John; lying to Tyler and cheating on him and treating him like shit. You treated me like shit too, and I know why. Tyler told me how you were jealous of the way I could calm him down when his anger got the best of him, the way his teachers pulled me out of class to help him, the way they let me walk around outside the school for a full class period because I was the only one who could get him from blank stares, shaking, and about to punch everyone in arms length, back to happy pleasant Tyler. If it was anyone but you and me I’d understand the jealousy, but we’d been friends since we were six! That was over a decade of friendship and you couldn’t trust me with your boyfriend? Me: the girl who had never stolen a guy? Me: the girl who was dating his best friend/cousin? That hurts. I always wanted you guys to get married.

          What you did made him my best friend. By putting him through the same thing John was putting me through at the same time you forged a bond that held strong. By alienating me (I think because you felt guilty about what you were doing, but that’s just a guess) you weakened our friendship to the point of breaking. You can’t blame me for ignoring your random phone calls, sometime months apart. You ruined it. You had been one of my best friends since I was six, at eighteen you started breaking it apart, now, at twenty I can’t remember the last time we spoke. I find that sad, almost as sad as the fact that I don’t care when we talk next.

-me

30 Letters in 30 Days: Day Sixteen- Someone who lives out of state

Dear Shawn,

        It’s crazy to think that with a history like ours we are still so close. We dated for nine months, lost our virginities together, and now we’re long distance best friends who see each other every three or so years. A lot of people would hear that kind of history and be like O.o but for me I can’t imagine anything different. You’re the guy I tell my secrets to, one of the only ones I trust other than Douglas. I can’t wait for you to come home for another visit so you can meet him. Having you in my life has always been an important test for potential boyfriends, I simply tell them that I’m best friends with my first love who I lost my virginity to, and look for a reaction. If I think he might have issues with that, he’s off the list. You’re the one I tell important things to before I decide if I really mean it or not. When I was talking about changing majors I sent you a text from my night class, you were so supportive. You’re ALWAYS so supportive, you don’t judge my decisions and encourage me to do everything and anything that could potentially shock the pants off of people. It’s great knowing you always have my back.

Hoping to see you this summer maybe? Yes.

-your favorite exgirlfriend

30 Letters in 30 Days: Day Fifteen- The persoon I miss most

Dear Poppa,

          I miss you more than words can say. I miss the smell of your Old Spice and the way you’d tap your beer can, from the time I could walk I knew that meant you needed a fresh one. I miss the way you looked at Mammie. I miss hearing stories about your childhood growing up with 17 brothers and sisters, the Navy, and all the lessons you’d learned in your life. I miss the way your stubble would scratch my cheek when I went to give you a kiss, the way everyone snapped to attention when you raised your voice, it was such a rarity we always knew it must be important.

          I must be thankful to whoever is in charge of this universe for giving us time to say goodbye to you. Losing you was so painful but I cherish the fact that I was able to sit with you, your eyes communicating words you could no longer say. Having those last days to tell you how much I love you and to memorize the feel of your hand in mine was nothing short of a blessing.

          It’s so hard without you here. Aunt Jane doesn’t do family holidays anymore, because they just remind her that you’re gone, you were her very best friend. Gabe is terrified of the number 77, the date September 28th, and the word cancer. It’s hard to believe that another one of his great grandfathers died exactly a year after you, at the same age you were when you passed, and also had cancer. It has been hard on everyone, but like always it is you that keeps us together. You taught us all the importance of family and love.

Missing you quite terribly,

The little one